Oct 13, 2020
Big brother.
Revisiting a Final Fantasy crush, the joys of ’90s Playstation games, and my stormy love-hate relationship with my older brother.
I grew up with an older brother, four years my senior, and I think I got my love for videogames partly from him.
This was the 1990s. PS1 controllers weren’t wireless and we probably stayed too close to the television. Memory cards were used to save games, and I’ve had my fair share of scolding whenever I accidentally overwrote my brother’s save files.
My older brother loves JRPG (Japanese role-playing games) and also dominated our Playstation. I got to play too but if he’s playing, I had no choice but to just watch and wait for my turn.
I guess my brother felt entitled to the Playstation because our aunt gave it to him as a birthday present (lol). But still, hello, learn to share!
Angry at first, I protested. But then he started playing Final Fantasy VII (1997) and VIII (1999), and I had no problems with just watching him play. I enjoyed following the stories without having to fight monsters myself (I’m also not a fan of turn-based games).
In FFVII, I’d often ask my brother to take Cloud to the Gold Saucer (an amusement park in-game), so I could play all the mini-games (over and over) by myself. He complied, well not always but most of the time.
Our set-up was the same for Silent Hill and Resident Evil: Nemesis — he would play and I would happily (nervously) watch.
Sometimes when my brother fails a level, I would ask him if I can give it a shot — and he would let me play as Jill, but I would return the controller over to him whenever boss fights begin (I was so scared of Nemesis lol) or when things get too icky.
I remember getting so creeped out by the simple act of opening doors in Resident Evil! It was so dramatic and eerie (that creaking sound!).
I also enjoyed watching Jill craft items (i.e., herbs for medicine, gun powder for bullets). Sometimes I would point out items my brother might have missed.
Late last year, I revisited Resident Evil by playing RE4, 5, and 6 on Nintendo Switch (I got a bundle version, a physical copy on sale).
RE6 felt like a different game all together, as if it wasn’t part of the series. Most of it felt like a histrionic and over-the-top Michael Bay action movie rather than a survival-horror game. I still played it though because it’s entertaining, albeit not scary at all. RE6 also lacked the puzzle element of the original RE games, it just felt too easy.
RE4 felt a bit closer to my childhood memory of playing Resident Evil, the villagers gave off a strange vibe. I think I skipped RE5 for some reason, maybe I got too busy with work after the holidays.
I then got into a rabbit hole and learned about the origins of RE, which is a Japanese movie called Sweet Home (Kurosawa, 1989). The story follows a documentary crew filming inside an old haunted mansion previously owned by a famous artist. Things get creepy and maybe they die one by one, I don’t know, I was supposed to watch it but I backed out (lol).
The movie was co-released with a Capcom Family Computer (Fami-Com) videogame of the same name and storyline. Sweet Home was probably the first of its kind, paving the way for more mainstream role-playing survival-horror games.
The game director was Tokuro Fujiwara; he came up with Resident Evil a few years later. He said that RE was inspired by Sweet Home and is a sort of remake of his earlier game. That’s why the original RE was also set in a creepy mansion (Spencer Mansion)!
Other times, my brother and I would play more wholesome games such as 2-player co-ops like Poypoy (1997) and Herc’s Adventures (1997). These were some of my childhood favorites. I also played these by myself, but you really needed a partner to survive these games!
And there were games I was comfortable playing just by myself such as the Crash Bandicoot series (1996), Spyro the Dragon (1998), and Tomba! (1997). Yes, these were 1-player games — but when I was a kid, even if it’s a solo-game, I would sometimes ask my brother to “play with me.” He would just be there and beat the difficult parts of the game if I asked him to (lol).
And then there were days my brother and I (and during the summer, with our cousins) fought each other in Tekken 3 (1997), Rival Schools (1997), and Dead or Alive (1996).
I also remember asking him to switch turns with me whenever he played Mega Man Legends (1997), but I preferred playing as Zero — I think I had a crush on him, I loved his long blonde hair (haha). I also preferred swords!
And there were chaotic afternoons spent playing the two-player option in Metal Slug (1996), Duke Nukem 3D (1996), Rampage World Tour (1997), and Twisted Metal III (1998). Fun times!
My brother and I aren’t exactly close, but there are a few moments where he really shows his kindness towards this annoying little sister: When we were kids, he bought me a (pirated lol) copy of Harvest Moon (1997), which is my all-time favorite game. And just a few months ago, he got me a copy of Animal Crossing: New Horizons (2020) for my birthday.
Now that I think about it, almost all of our childhood games were pirated (lol). You could get these pirated CDs for around Php50 (USD1) each. Piracy sort of stopped after PS2, I think…
Going back to Final Fantasy… I was pretty well-versed in the world of FFVIII back then. I was probably around eight years old.
I remember having a crush on both Selphie and Seifer, but the latter was evil and scary — so I settled for the girl, Selphie (lol). I tend to crush on bad guys when I was a kid; in FFVII, I was so in love with Sephiroth — I loved his long silver hair (haha).
Crushing on boys stopped though a few years later, I’d be exclusively crushing on the likes of Lara Croft, Nina Williams, and that girl from Dino Crisis (1999).
I got a Seifer action figure when I was in grade school. Seifer had a gunblade, but I lost it. I guess I was playing with the gunblade a lot, without the action figure itself, so it got lost over the years (lol).
I remember feeling so happy when I saw all these FFVIII action figures at the toy store, but my mom wouldn’t allow me to buy more than one, so of course I had to choose Seifer, my secret childhood crush (haha).
I was cleaning my room last weekend, when I unearthed Seifer under a pile of yellowing knickknacks. My mom placed all my childhood toys and keepsakes in a couple of boxes safely tucked away in a closet that nobody ever opens. I guess the pandemic pushed me to revisit some childhood memories, so I ended up opening that closet…
These days, I rarely watch my brother play videogames. He’s in his 30s now and still plays a lot (PS4 now, look how far we’ve come).
I do too, but I mostly play Switch and PC (Steam) games.
The last time I “sat in” on my brother’s game was The Last of Us Part II (2020), and I only got to do this because we were both at my parents’ due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
I think he’s playing the Ghost of Tsushima (2020) now, I hear it behind his closed door (yup, we’re still both staying with our parents due to the pandemic).
I am never having children myself (a personal decision), so I am looking forward to having a niece or a nephew — so I can introduce them to these old video games (when they’re old enough to play). It would be hard to get them an actual PS1, but they could play (like me) using online PS1 emulators. Here I am fantasizing about nieces and nephews (haha), I hope my brother’s girlfriend does not read this (just kidding!).
I do credit my brother for introducing me to the world of video games.
We didn’t talk much back then, that was his rule for whenever I asked him if I could watch him play video games (he needed me to be quiet so he could focus, I was a chatty kid lol). It’s pretty much the same today, we don’t really talk…but I guess we’ll always have that memory of playing video games together. And that will always be special, despite all the other grievances we may have against each other. He will always be my brother and I will always love video games, no matter how old I get — and I have to thank him for that.
For my next Gay Girl Casually Reviews Games entry, I’m thinking of reviewing another childhood favorite, Tomba!
I revisited Tomba’s world a few months ago, while on lockdown due to the pandemic. I played using an online emulator. It’s just as fun as I remember… I haven’t played the game since I was around eight years old, so playing it again two decades later felt surreal, as if no time has passed. The game is still awesome and I wish more people knew about it!
I also plan on posting some more childhood toys I’d be digging up here in my parents’ house. It will be a fun little project during this awful pandemic.
