Saturday.

I was sitting on the floor, I put the book down for a few seconds, then this happens!

This afternoon, I finished reading Swimming Back to Trout River (Feng, 2021). I don’t like the ending, but overall, it was a good read.

Lately, I noticed that I can really no longer stomach books or movies a) focused on hetero-relationships, b) with straight men as the lead characters. I just can’t. For all my years, these stories have been the norm and I am just tired of it.

Perhaps this is why it took me quite a while to really get into Trout River. I wish more pages were given to Junie (the child in the story) instead of Momo.

I’m off to my next book tomorrow. And yes, the lead characters are women — some of whom are gay, yay (lol)!

This scene touched a nerve. I mourn for the special people I’ve “lost” or am yet to “lose” — some are dead, some are living. The latter hurts more. Panel from Blue (Nananan, 1997).

I’m thinking of watching a movie later.

I’m planning on re-watching Blue (Ando, 2002). I first watched this years ago, I can’t exactly remember when.

This evening, I finally read the source material — the original manga by Kiriko Nananan (1997).

Despair.

I woke up at 8am today, without any alarm. This is very strange for a Saturday (I tend to oversleep on weekends).

I guess I do have a lot on my mind. Topping the list is the current state of our education system. Most recent available data reveals that elementary and high school students in the Philippines are doing very poorly in mathematics, science, and reading comprehension.

Sadly, this is not surprising at all.

We have consistently fared quite poorly over the years.

It’s the same old web of problems: school textbooks riddled with errors, teachers are still underpaid, children going to school on an empty stomach, students promoted to higher grade levels without mastering basic learning skills from previous grades, child labor taking learners out of classrooms, cases of teenage pregnancy steadily rising, sexuality education is still lacking, this list can go on and on.

And the pandemic has only made things visibly worse (and this isn’t even included in the above data yet).

Also on my mind: our poor pandemic response, our national debt reaching trillions, our sorry state of press freedom, the rabid exploitation of our workers, how the pandemic has only worsened poverty and inequality, and many more manifestations of how years and years of misgovernment continue to rob kids of their childhood.

It’s so exhausting, especially when we are made to feel as if we can’t really do anything to realistically change everything — on a massive, significant scale.

I reported on these issues back when I was still working in the media. Then when I moved to the development sector, I also got to see it for myself: I met high schoolers who needed “remedial reading classes” because they have difficulties reading or understanding what they are trying to read.

It’s heartbreaking.

And the road to fixing all these problems is skewed, messy, and terrifying. It’s terrifying just how much needs to be fixed.

And no matter what happens, it’s always the children bearing the brunt.

As I get older, I thought I would gain a stronger sense of hope. The idealism from my youth is still here, sure…However, it’s so scarred now, so worn out, so tired. But yes, it’s still here somehow. I don’t think it will ever completely disappear anyway.

I’ll stop writing here.

My gaming fatigue continues.

I haven’t touched my Nintendo Switch in weeks. I think all that grinding I did over Dorameon Story of Seasons really got to me (lmao). Farming sims are hard work (lol). I was planning on playing the new Tony Hawk game, but I just don’t have the energy for it…yet.

On a totally unrelated (random) note: I want to share a photo of my toothbrush.

My new toothbrush.

I bought this the other day — its handle is made of bamboo, coated in beeswax (to prevent water absorption).